The irony of having had one of my packages stolen off the front step, is that it had a Celtic knot cross-stitch kit that said "Welcome, friends".
I doubt the thieves will appreciate this.
irony, or just annoying?
in random
hipster food
Leaving the mall, teenagers behind me are discussing how "the graham cracker is marginalized."
good advice
TheKid: Mama, I need to give you some advice.
Me: Ok...
TheKid: Never, ever use a fortune teller. They LIE!
Noted, kiddo.
ew!
TheKid: Romance is when you really love someone, and you kiss them on the eyeball!
do not want
in random
I’m pretty sure I just saw the phrase "twerkology", but the concept is more than a bit alarming and I refuse to go back and check..
DYAC
in random
regex != reggae
not my fault, this time
in random
The Everything Index: Kim Kardashian, Guest Eidtor
Headline OTD, and this time it isn't misread, this is AS PRINTED and full of hilars: "The Everything Index: Kim Kardashian, Guest Eidtor"
yet more misread phrases
in misread
Spectacular New Images Show Enormous Glitter On Mars
New Republican Early Detection
Pantless Dirt Removal
Encapsulated Squid Storage
French Toast Awkwardly Grilled
Midget like a boss
Chewbacca Valley Community Center
Emotionally unsuccessful singer-songwriter...
Contestant Power Cycling
A great idea for vintage sins...
Increase Escape Capacity
Flask Tests
Shipped via First Class Minion
Abusively lowering blood pressure...
How to appropriately back up transgender data.
Invisible Vintage Camera Collection
Evaluating butter impact...
depends on your perspective...
in random
misread Pinterest titles
in misread
Decomposing and Repurposing
How to hammer wife for jewelry making, part 2...
...in space!
in misread
Misread Animal Name In A Headline OTD: Twin Unmanned Baby Red Pandas
neigh!
in misread
Thank you, brain, for that awesome misread. I'm going to start calling iPhones "iPonies".
iPonies in the Cloud. FTW.
it makes a bloody mess
in misread
Misread Blog Post Title OTD: How To Make Homicide Cronuts
maybe someday she'll get it
in random
After all these years, you'd think Roxanne would get the message that she doesn't HAVE to wear that dress tonight...
best page error ever
in random
misread email subjects
in misread
“Methadone Traffic Lights”
“Hooked On Meth kit - Brand new!”
“Eyeroll Tech & Ads”
“Request for the nutjob plugin”
“Random Acts Of Kittens”
“Candida Pharmacy”
“UNISEX LISA Attendees”
“Help conjuring SSH tunnels…”
“Necrotized Sour Cherry Preserves”
“How not to be naked”
“Cannabis Rabies Shots - 17 Locations”
“Can’t save pigs on flickr page”
“Extracting life from variables”
“Parsing trouble into a variable”
“Lithium Damn”
“For Sale: Samsung Catamite”
“For Sale: Ukelele Farm”
“Error: Inhaled Twiki Response”
“Best Offer: Rosewood Kitten Set”
“FREE! Funk Beds, oak Furniture”
“Remediation For Golf Lessons”
“Wanted: Writable Condom”
“Certified Mayonaisian Translator”
“Kitten Cabinet Refacing”
i'm the boss
in random
Sometimes I do a hard reboot on my laptop just to remind it who’s in charge.
unintended consequences
in observations
Makeup mirrors should come with warnings…
"CAUTION: Prolonged use of 7x magnification can cause nausea, prolonged attacks of vanity, panic, paranoia when stared at, and in extreme cases, the mistaken belief that your pores have mutated to a size large enough to swallow cities whole. Use sparingly."
knitter's humor
in puns
She was Yarn Drunk: she felt the need to get completely worsted…
Germs = babies
TheKid: [Boy] and me played the kissing game today!
TheDad: Baby, you probably shouldn't play the kissing game with your friends, that's a good way to get germs.
TheKid: Also, I'm not old enough to have babies. When I'm old enough I can play the kissing game and get germs to have babies.