Nothing like "Nature's bananas..."

This seriously had me wheezing, I was laughing so hard. This became the joke of the weekend, everything was “Nature’s [thing]” and there were many jokes about artificially produced bananas…

Still, these things are DAMN good.

Like, seriously… what else would they be?!

Truth...

in

<Coworker 1> Here, try these, they're delicious! 
<Me>*noticing it's chocolate* Well, ok. You caught me in a moment of weakness.
<Coworker 2> ...otherwise known as "Tuesday". 

Touche, Coworker 2, touche.

What did you say?

in

<Him> Alright, you know what I'm going to do? 
<Me> No, but I bet you're going to tell me...
<Him> No, I'm going to tell Siri, because she listens. 
🤣🤣🤣

Hockey, hockey, hockey

in

The only sport I know much of anything about is hockey, so I’ve decided that all sports are just alternate forms of hockey:

Bounce Hockey (basketball)

Pig Hockey (football)

Stick Hockey (baseball)

Foot Hockey (soccer)

Club Hockey (golf)

Horse Hockey (polo)

Wet Hockey (water polo)

Net Hockey (tennis)

Spike Hockey (volleyball)

Hook Hockey (jai alai)

Grass Hockey (lacrosse)

Bird Hockey (badminton)

Scrum Hockey (rugby)

Pitch Hockey (cricket)

Also:

Boulder Hockey (curling)

Broom Hockey (quidditch)

Glitter Hockey (figure skating)

Bull Hockey (politics)


Whatever Man

in

(from January…)

We (coworkers and I) have come up with a new superhero: Whatever Man. Apathy is his super power, and it's so strong that it demotivates any supervillian he encounters.

<Evil Genius> You're too late, Whatever Man! My Ultra Laser Beam of Doom is finished!! All I have to do is push this button, and New York City will be DESTROYED!

<Whatever Man> Whatever, man.

<Evil Genius> ...Wait, what? You're supposed to give me a speech about how evil never prevails, and then try to stop me! Why aren't you trying to stop me?! We're supposed to be having an epic struggle! 

<Whatever Man> ... 

<Evil Genius> ... UGH! Why do I even bother? I'm obviously not evil enough for you to consider me a threat. I went to all this effort, and you don't even care. I should just go back to living in my parents' basement and playing video games all day. ...Hey, wanna come over and play Street Fighter? My mom can order us some pizza. 

<Whatever Man> Whatever, man.

Fun with SnapChat

in

We accidentally discovered that SnapChat would work on one of our cats (see Sir Bunny Ears, below). Some months later, they added filters specifically FOR your pets. Hilarity ensued…

No context...

Driving home the other day, the car is totally silent for about half the drive, until I hear this from the backseat:

<Kiddo> Hey Mama, want to start an esoteric cult with me?