I should be my full self.
I should exist without apology.
I should not make myself small in order to appease others.
I should grow older with grace and acceptance.
I should embrace my wrinkles, and my gray hair.
I should only surround myself with those who treat me with respect.
I should ignore those who disrespect and disregard me.
AND YET...
Women with grey hair and wrinkles are listened to less, respected less, bowled over more by those younger than them. Especially younger men, but even older men do it too.
Women who have too many opinions are pushed out of rooms where decisions are made.
Women who fight to be in those rooms are called Difficult To Work With, and shoved out of those rooms even harder.
If I don’t look “young”, if I don’t make myself smaller and more pleasing, if I argue or push for what I think is right, I am treated as if I am unintelligent, bitchy, and of no use to anyone except for taking their busy work. I’m allowed to take notes, write documentation, attend meetings but not speak in them.
And of course, this is a gross generalization, but there have been some meetings recently where I have felt as if having an opinion and expressing it has made some people listen to me less.
How can anyone listen to me, though, if I’m not allowed to speak?
I dye my hair, and I dress more like I did 15 years ago, because if I look my age then I am “too old” to properly do my job.
When men get grey hair it’s considered distinguished. Older men are considered more wise, and more worth listening to. Older women? Useless.
Which is, frankly, ridiculous. Who do they all think is ACTUALLY running the world? Keeping the homes and the workplaces running like well oiled machines so that “the men” can focus on what THEY want to be doing? No one asks us what WE want to be doing, though. We’re just expected to pick up everything else.