I thought I knew

i thought i knew

the shape of my reflection was defined

i had curves and angles, my borders well worn

reinforced by the time and tides of my life

there was the tallest peak, here the lowest valley

that field was where the ghosts walked

and this mountain side grew the choicest flowers

i wandered as i pleased, content

and on occasion pushed out the borders

but mostly, wandered

i believed i knew, believed i had the truth of it all

never once seeing the shadows that trailed behind

grasping at my ankles, directing my feet

hiding a truth i was unprepared for,

guiding me past the caves where old fears lurked

fears i’d thought long since evicted from my landscape

there they waited, fed by the shadows at my feet

whispering to me as i slept

ensuring i was kept in check, kept inside my borders

you came, at first, as a single ray of light

faint, but clear

breaking through a shroud i hadn’t known was there

i hungered for that light, and it seemed there would never be enough

yet i couldn’t bring myself to give it up

the more i got, the more i craved

and the light grew

day over day, i watched as my field of ghosts transformed

becoming pieces of myself i’d believed long dead

day over day, i wandered less at the direction of the shadows

and more at the direction of my whims

i explored the landscape over and over again

discovering new topography

here a valley had formed, there a river disappearing in the distance

that tree had become a forest, and this mountainside a range

borders disappeared

and yet those caves remained, mostly intact

sometimes i could see the shadows

stretching out from within, reaching towards my feet

sometimes they managed to catch me

but it became harder with each passing day