The internet is a lot of things, both good and bad. It provides a platform for a lot of things that we, as a society, are better off not amplifying. This post isn’t about those things, though. Y’all know me, I acknowledge the shit in the world but I’m not one to dwell on it past what I can personally make better. Instead, this post is about how the internet has allowed so many of us to realize that we’re not an individual weirdo in an ocean of “normal” people, and what that ACTUALLY MEANS to someone like me.
These days it seems like more and more people know what ADD/ADHD is, and know at least one person (if not more than one) who has been diagnosed with it. That wasn’t always true, and it certainly wasn’t true in the 80s when my ADD began to manifest. I wasn’t a “typical” ADD/ADHD child, not having the hyperactivity and also not being a boy. So I went undiagnosed into early adulthood, and through not fault of my parents who tried their best to help me figure out why I was struggling so much with school, and life in general.
Looking at the history of the disorder, it’s interesting to note that in the early 1900s it was described as “an abnormal defect of moral control in children.” That stigma would turn out to be, as all mental health stigmas, incredibly difficult to shake off.
As a child, I was told a lot that I just wasn’t trying hard enough, or that I was being lazy, or that I wasn’t applying myself. These three phrases became the foundation of all discussions around schoolwork, jobs, chores, and really anything else that didn’t provide a rush of dopamine. It wasn’t that the adults in my life were being mean, or dismissing my struggles. They genuinely didn’t know better, and were doing the best they could with what they had. They honestly believed that it was all within my control. So, like many ADD/ADHD GenXers, I learned that the struggles I had were something to be ashamed of, and that I was broken in a way that no one could explain or understand, and in many cases, that no one wanted to have to deal with.
When I finally was diagnosed in my early 20s there was a massive boom in children getting diagnosed. It was to the point that the disorder was losing credibility, and there was definitely not much said about adults with ADD/ADHD, despite a growing number of books on the subject. Driven to Distraction and Women with ADD were both life-saving books for me in a lot of ways. So was my psychologist, and I will never, ever forget how profoundly she helped me change my life for the better. Notice, I didn’t say change MYSELF. My ADD is a fundamental aspect of my biological and neurological makeup, and while there are things that can be adjusted, the foundation of how my brain works is still the same.
But the stigma has been really hard to shake. Reactions vary from “Oh, EVERYONE has ADD now! It’s not real,” to “I obviously can’t trust you to do your job or be on time for anything, or be able to hold up your end of things like an ADULT, so I don’t want anything to do with you,” and even “I’m just going to have to ride your ass like a drill sergeant or you’ll NEVER get anything done.” There are lots more, but those are the main ones and they often persisted regardless of how often I disproved them to someone.
Since working with that first psychologist, I have tried my best to own my ADD and to see the benefits it gives me in my life. She encouraged that positivity. She SAW me, and told me how to use my brain to my benefit and manage the more difficult aspects of my disorder. But despite my ownership of my ADD, and my belief that it gives me superpowers of a sort, the world around me didn’t seem to reflect that perspective back at me, and I rarely met another adult who would admit to being diagnosed with ADD or ADHD.
Until recently. At some point in the last several years it has become common to see TikTok videos and Instagram Reels of people like Connor DeWolfe (https://www.instagram.com/connor.dewolfe/?hl=en) cleverly and humorously breaking down ADHD. What it’s like from the inside, what it looks like from the outside, and what’s really going on to manifest these behaviors and emotions. Connor isn’t the only one, either. There are heaps more people online now, sharing videos about how to understand people with ADHD, what it’s like to have ADHD, how to support and work with people with ADHD.
I’ll tell y’all honestly that, since those sessions with my psychologist over 20 years ago, I have never in my LIFE felt more seen and understood than in those short “pointless” videos. I’ve actually learned things about my brain. I’ve had my coping mechanisms validated, my struggles validated, and the vast array of emotions and difficulty in my life FUCKING VALIDATED. Suddenly, I don’t feel alone in the things I’ve gone through, and I’m not even sure I can adequately express how profoundly that’s hit me.
And before any of you wonderful friends and family wonder why your love and understanding doesn’t have the same impact, rest assured that you HAVE had a huge impact. It’s just a different one, that’s allowed me to be myself unapologetically and unreservedly, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. But through the years I’ve still felt like a tiny bubble of weird in an ocean of “normal” people. Some of y’all have shared my island, but it’s always been a very small sandbar of an island.
It’s so common to bash the Vine/TikTok/Reels as too short, fueling short attention spans, and lacking in actual content. I won’t disagree that so many of them are just so much junk. It’s also common to point at social media as a blight on our society, and it certainly can be.
But consider everything you’ve just read, and then take a moment to absorb the fact that there are millions of neurodivergent people in the world who, because of social media, have discovered they’re not alone, their struggles are real, and there is real hope and understanding in the world for them, personally. If the impact of this is so huge on me, an adult in my late 40s with a decent amount of self confidence... think about what it means to a kid whose family doesn’t get them, teachers and classmates don’t get them, and they think they’re completely alone in the world... until they find those videos online.
It doesn’t matter if it’s ADD, bipolar disorder, gender dysphoria, alopecia, coming out, or anything else. Whatever people are going through, there are others like them out there and the internet connects all of us to one another. I think that’s a beautiful thing.