one of those days

This is one of those days when it's hard to concentrate.

I wake up in a fog, knowing that I have a busy day ahead of me, but not yet able to recall what day it is or what comes first. I know that my iPhone will tell me, so I grab it off the night stand with the intention of looking at my calendar. Once unlocked, it shows me that I have new email, and new Facebook notifications. Ten minutes later I remember to check my day's schedule, and then look at the weather forecast so I can decide what to wear.  

I put on a pair of pants, and stand for a moment staring at my closet. Do I wear layers, knowing it's always cold in the office, or do I wear something with long sleeves? Do I wear something frilly, lacy, plaid, comfortable, dressy? What shoes do I want to wear, and what about the jewelry? I have to drive somewhere in the middle of the day, and it's going to be hot outside, so I opt for layers that I can peel off while I'm out, slip-on shoes, and a simple necklace & earrings. I check my phone for the time, and realize I've just spent 35 minutes on this decision, and now I'm running late.

Once dressed, I grab my bags, running through my mental checklist of what I need for the day. (Several hours later, I'll discover I forgot an essential item that I'll have to make time to go back and pick up.) As I'm walking out the door all I can think of is coffee, and I weigh my options for picking some up along the way to work, or waiting until I get to the office. I decide I don't have enough time to stop on the way and coffee can wait a bit longer.

The fog follows me to work, and I spend my day chasing tasks and thoughts as they appear and disappear from view. At several points through the day I'll realize that I spent 5+ minutes staring at my computer screen without any idea what I was about to do. I pick another task and move on, knowing that whatever it was will come back to me eventually, but that I still have plenty to get done in the meantime. I get a decent amount of work done, but not as much as I'd like. At the end of the work day I have a monstrous headache and all I want to do is go home and go to bed. 

These days are among the hardest. I hate when my ability to function is limited, when easy things become difficult and time slips away from me in large chunks. I feel incapable and inept, and I don't want anyone else to be able to see how hard I'm struggling just to keep up with myself.

As much as I want to, I know I can't just check out of these days. I have commitments to my work and my family. I have to show up and do my best, even and perhaps especially when all I want to do is crawl back into bed and go to sleep.

So I do my best to keep moving forward, knowing that tomorrow will be better and today is almost over...