he's lucky i like him...

(After noticing that my Rogue streak of hair is getting wider...)

Me: You don't mind all my grey hairs, do you? 

TheBF: Of course not! It makes me look EVEN YOUNGER when I stand next to you. 

Me: (•̆︿•̆)

irony, or just annoying?

The irony of having had one of my packages stolen off the front step, is that it had a Celtic knot cross-stitch kit that said "Welcome, friends".

I doubt the thieves will appreciate this.

hipster food

Leaving the mall, teenagers behind me are discussing how "the graham cracker is marginalized."

good advice

TheKid: Mama, I need to give you some advice. 

Me: Ok...

TheKid: Never, ever use a fortune teller. They LIE! 

Noted, kiddo.


TheKid: Romance is when you really love someone, and you kiss them on the eyeball!

do not want

I’m pretty sure I just saw the phrase "twerkology", but the concept is more than a bit alarming and I refuse to go back and check..

yet more misread phrases

Spectacular New Images Show Enormous Glitter On Mars

New Republican Early Detection

Pantless Dirt Removal

Encapsulated Squid Storage

French Toast Awkwardly Grilled

Midget like a boss

Chewbacca Valley Community Center

Emotionally unsuccessful singer-songwriter...

Contestant Power Cycling

A great idea for vintage sins...

Increase Escape Capacity

Flask Tests

Shipped via First Class Minion

Abusively lowering blood pressure...

How to appropriately back up transgender data.

Invisible Vintage Camera Collection

Evaluating butter impact...

...in space!

Misread Animal Name In A Headline OTD: Twin Unmanned Baby Red Pandas


Thank you, brain, for that awesome misread. I'm going to start calling iPhones "iPonies". 

iPonies in the Cloud. FTW.

misread email subjects

“Methadone Traffic Lights”

“Hooked On Meth kit - Brand new!”

“Eyeroll Tech & Ads”

“Request for the nutjob plugin”

“Random Acts Of Kittens”

“Candida Pharmacy”

“UNISEX LISA Attendees”

“Help conjuring SSH tunnels…”

“Necrotized Sour Cherry Preserves”

“How not to be naked”

“Cannabis Rabies Shots - 17 Locations”

“Can’t save pigs on flickr page”

“Extracting life from variables”

“Parsing trouble into a variable”

“Lithium Damn”

“For Sale: Samsung Catamite”

“For Sale: Ukelele Farm”

“Error: Inhaled Twiki Response”

“Best Offer: Rosewood Kitten Set”

“FREE! Funk Beds, oak Furniture”

“Remediation For Golf Lessons”

“Wanted: Writable Condom”

“Certified Mayonaisian Translator”

“Kitten Cabinet Refacing”